Missing the Gross.

I have not seen any gross movies lately. By gross, I mean blood spurting out of stomachs, body holes punched out by bullets, noses bloodied by punches, bones cracked by karate kicks, and so on.

I have relegated myself to being square and bored. When I pass by the cinema at the mall, I only take a cursory look at the faces of the actors plastered in posters. Sometimes, my eyes could not avoid the movie ads lined up along the escalator route.

What happened? I used to enjoy the "Kill Bill series," The Transformers, The Die Hards, the extra terrestrials, the T-rex's.

I simply looked at other things. The spiritual, basically.

But did it pay off? Was being more God-centered rewarding?

I remember suddenly Shirley McClaine and her "Out on a Limb" book, and Madonna and her "Kaballah" experience, and the lighted faces of inspirational speakers.

I am tasked now with building a group who'd become presenters and facilitators. Big job.

It's painful, sometimes. Takes a lot of time. No pittance. No thank you.

Who is it for? Take a guess.

People who transform themselves spiritually say it's for the Higher Being. But deep within and basically, it's for oneself.

We want that inner peace, that outer glow, that ultimate high.

But the real transformation overtakes the selfish self.