Pasko Na Naman.

The morning breeze is cooler; the night is longer. The lights are dizzylingly dancing by the windows.

It's December again. 

Yesterday was the feast day of San Andres de Apostol, and the birthday of a Philippine national hero, Andres Bonifacio.

Saint Andrew was the first to be called upon by Jesus to be his apostle; he was the brother of Saint Peter.

Andres Bonifacio was a poor bookkeeper who turned revolutionary and led the the Philippine Katipunan to rise up against the Spaniards who ruled the Philippines for over 300 years.

It's December and Christmas is here once more.

At the gas station the other day, an attendant reminded me that I no longer needed a receipt to purchase those cool sports car toys, obviously popular gifts for kids; at the church courtyard last night, Christmas wrappers were selling like hotcakes.

It's been highlighted in the news lately that the Philippine economy grew by an unprecented 7 percent.  Expect shoppers and spenders to rush to the malls and restaurants.

It should be a Merry Christmas for all.

Bigwig.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

- By the Carpenters

I was teasing two of my sisters last night that we're still looking for a place to go to on Christmas day. Sabi nga, nagpapaimbita sa pamilya.

I would love to travel to Singapore for Christmas. A relative is inviting us to visit them. But then, I'd already looked at air fares and it looks like it's better to go there after the Holiday rush.

New Year's day is the day when our big family celebrates as a group. And this early, preparations are in place to celebrate it differently this year - instead of converging in a house, we've opted to go to Fontana in Clark - to the outdoors and the waters.

Organizing a group of 40 plus has fallen into the hands of a younger sis and me, while a nephew's in charge of reservation. Sis wants to buy a "lechon" but we convinced her not to because it seems all the oldies are on maintenance drug for hypertension.

Buying gifts for 40 plus is also a daunting task. Whenever the list has ended, a new name seems to crop up.

If Mother were alive today, she'd be extra busy preparing for the trip. But we kids had been trained for long to be on the road during the Holidays. We grew up traveling on Christmas eve to make it on Christmas day to our hometown in Nueva Ecija.

The other day while cleaning up the house, we found an old VHS tape of past Holiday celebrations. I had to hook up the old VCR player to watch it. Old scenes played out. Mom during the 2001 New Year's day party at home, scenes from my March 2001 birthday party, Mica's high school graduation at Don Bosco where Winnie Monsod was the guest speaker, and another New Year's day event - 2002 where the last scene was when everybody sang Jo Mari Chan's "Christmas in our Hearts."

This holiday season, we'll be missing once more the Bigwig of the family - our dearest Nanay.

End of Christmas?

It's quite different this time.  No mother to call and greet Merry Christmas.

At first I could not explain why I am not as excited as the previous Christmases; then it dawned on me - my Mother is not around anymore, and I feel disoriented. 

The feeling, I guess, is shared by my siblings.  This is the first Christmas without our Mother

If she were around, she would have the Christmas lights and lantern and Tree all mesmerizingly dressed up.  The curtains will be fresh, and she would be waiting by the telephone to receive overseas calls from her three children who reside outside the Philippines.  

And for her children who are in the country, she would be sharing with them food and gifts during the family's traditional New Year's Day celebration.

It's not the end of Christmas for me now that my Mom is no longer around. But at the rate that Christmas has been diluted by so called "political correctness" and cannibalized by commercialism, I am afraid that with each passing year, my Christmas will lose its luster and joy, bit by bit.  

The Christmas decors that line up Ayala Avenue, Bagong Ilog at Pasig and the entire breadth of the Meralco complex are not enough to perk up the spirit I used to feel when I was a child.  

It's here now, there tomorrow.  It's that special niche where the heart feels most at peace.  It could be anywhere.

Have a blessed Christmas!

Changes.

No, not yet time to spell out my New Year's resolutions. The changes I mean are the ones happening in the body as one gets, well...older.

Like I've never been this sick in my whole life. I just caught the flu bug! Thank God, it is the common flu bug. For a while I self medicated on nuprofens and then acetaminophen, but as the fever raged on, I consulted a walk-in clinic doctor, who prescribed antibiotics.

But the ague's went on - chill, fever, muscle weakness, etc - that I ran to the emergency one evening, and with x-ray done, the good lady doctor smiled at me and proclaimed, "it's just the ordinary bug, so we just have to let the virus take its ordinary course." Was I relieved!

So, finally today after almost 10 days, I am beginning to walk steadily, and tasting food the way they should taste. But it was ten long, boring, fearful days. I imagined so many stories in my mind and have gone to so many places in my sleep, and ended up being just me and being just in my room in Toronto.

I guess my body just succumbed to the many pressures I've just went through in the last few months.

Well, there's still time to prepare for the Holiday Season..... Ho, ho, ho.

It's Officially Holiday Season Up North.

After the American Thanksgiving and the Macy's Parade last Thursday, Nov. 26th, the Holiday season officially started in the U.S.

In Toronto, Easy Rock, 97.3 on the radio dial, started playing Christmas songs, too. So now, I can listen 24/7 to Christmas carols. Awesome!

But if you're a Filipino planning to come home to the Philippines for the Holidays and haven't reserved a ticket yet, you're in tough luck.

It seems that there are no more available seats left and I'm talking almost all of the airline companies, NWA, Korean, Air Canada, Cathay, etc. First class tickets, maybe.

One agent I talked to immediately asked, "are you willing to travel on Christmas Day itself ? "

Well, I remember one time when I booked late, and actually travelled on the morning of December 25. There was a big group of Filipinos on that trip so we all celebrated Christmas Day up up in the sky.

But the frustrating part was that the plane landed in Cebu and we had to board a local flight to Manila.

We touched down at the Domestic airport and the party who was picking us up was waiting at the International. I remember taking a taxi and two Filipinas tagged along with me so we could meet our relatives who were waiting at the other airport, then going back to the Domestic to pick up our luggage.

This happened because the Filipino travel agency where we got the tickets did not advise us that the flight we booked was bound for Cebu. Well, actually they did. At the Pearson International few minutes before boarding time.

That agency closed shop a long time ago. Good.

HolidayVille.

I can't help but feel sad when I hear Christmas carols.  Especially now while in Manila where the airwaves and even the malls are being ruled by "I'll be Home for Christmas" by the Carpenters.

And when I'm not in Manila and elsewhere in the Globe, Christmas carols always create a lump in my throat.

Yesterday while driving late from Cabanatuan, Nueva Ecija to Manila, we passed by stalls along the Highway selling Christmas lanterns and decors.  What a beautiful sight!  

In Toronto, people start to light their Christmas lights and trees much later, usually first week of December and for some Anglos, putting up the Tree may even be as late as Christmas Eve. 

But thank God, there is one FM station in TO which plays dedicated Christmas carols starting December 1st.

The lack of Toronto radio stations playing carols prompted me to stack up on Christmas CD's. So I have Carols by Glen Miller, Frank Sinatra, the NY Symphony, a Brass Christmas CD, a vocal Christmas CD, one from the Cloistered Nuns of the Poor Clares of Alabama, and two Tagalog Christmas instrumentals.

I'm leaving very soon and will be back in Canada.  I'll spend the Holidays there.  

The planets didn't align.  But last night while driving along the dark highways, the sky was ruled by a Half Moon.

" I'll be looking at the moon and I'll be seeing you."