Nobody But You.

There's a TV commercial for an electronics shop in Toronto called Bad Boy in which the owner summons people to buy from him and blurts out Nooobody!  He is saying nobody can beat his prices.

And one time, I heard my two year old nephew Ben Ben singing "Nobody, nobody but you." And I heard the same song over and over again from radio stations while driving around Manila streets one day last September.

Now there's a film titled Nobody, Nobody but Juan, a Dolphy starrer.

It seems the word nobody is a buzz word these days.

I became a nobody almost two years ago.  That was when I lost my quite comfortable paying job in which I toiled and developed a profit centre from scratch.  My boss, a British-Canadian who was new at the executive post preferred to side with an Anglo instead of me, an Asian.

I could have brought a suit against the organization but I figured I was not happy anymore being a team member in a non-profit which was over layered and acting like a spoiled brat within the non profits.

That incident worked to my advantage.  My stress level went down from 100 to 10, I became better prepared for a surgery and I re-discovered creative writing. In short, I became a somebody.

The period of recovery wherein I was a nobody was a bitter pill to swallow. But in the end of the "nobody phase," I became a better person - happier, more enlightened and more lovable and more loving. Thus, I am thankful for being a nobody.

Things started to happen. Even on the financial side. 

One unforgettable incident of 2009 came to surface when during my "nobody days" I became a somebody by chance.  I began to notice the wonder of books and took up serious reading, and most amazing of all, I started to dream again. I became seventeen once more and started to believe that dreams can become reality again.

It was randomness happening all over.  It created, it got things suspended, it animated, it turned things upside down. And as random as it is, it could decide one's fate without one even knowing it.

The year is coming to its close in two days.  That's why this post is a kind of summation. 

I was watching the Metro Manila Film Festival Awards last night and heard almost all awardees thanked God for having given them the trophy.  

Though without any film to boost, I,  too thank the Creator for having blessed me through these years.

Tenth Day.

When we measure things or care to remember things, we always tend to emphasize the fifth or the tenth. We hear people say, "it's our fifth wedding anniversary, or it's my tenth year in the firm.  It's my daughter's fifth birthday or it's my father's tenth death anniversary, etc."

Day after Christmas, I've been in Manila all of ten days. The first few days I was here, I was zombie-like having just recovered from flu and stress.

But on the tenth day, something wonderful happened. I woke up to a perfect sunny day, ate a bowl of hot oatmeal after days of eating "sinangag, tosino, and champorado" for breakfast, and started to moon over again.

I bought a Kenny G CD the other day and listened to it last night, and then played a Michael Buble.

Hey, I want the standard "Happy New Year" greeting come my way over and over. 

And to you and all... HAVE A HAPPY AND PEACEFUL 2010.

Sunshine.

I'm working in my computer and the morning sun fills the living room with its glorious ray. Outside in the garden, the reds and greens and oranges and yellows fill my heart with excitement.

It's the day after Christmas and if I were in Toronto, I'd probably be still under the comforter savouring the artificial warmth of the thick bedfellow. 

But I'm in Manila!  The sun breathes its natural glow and crawls under the skin, and energizes everything in its path.

Aah.  People from the west and from the cold countries eagerly anticipate spring and then summer as early as the first blast of snow.  Snow can bring nostalgia in Holiday celebrations but could dampen everyday activities especially if it becomes wet snow, or ice.

Filipinos sometimes fail to appreciate the natural wonders the country has to offer, like sunshine. We take it for granted.  

People who live in the countryside also fail to recognize the extra wonder they have - the clean rivers, the forest, the wildlife.  Oftentimes, they kill the hunt, they forage the trees and  pollute the water.

While here, I may occasionally curse the mosquitoes who feast on my blood, but overall I plan to feast on the many small wonders Philippines has to give me.  

In the mornings, I will bask in the glorious sun, and in the evenings, to look up in the sky and gaze at the stars, and if there's a moon, to continue to dream.

Meanwhile, there are still birds that fly into the garden and remind me of the canaries I used to have - with their lovely songs. 

End of Christmas?

It's quite different this time.  No mother to call and greet Merry Christmas.

At first I could not explain why I am not as excited as the previous Christmases; then it dawned on me - my Mother is not around anymore, and I feel disoriented. 

The feeling, I guess, is shared by my siblings.  This is the first Christmas without our Mother

If she were around, she would have the Christmas lights and lantern and Tree all mesmerizingly dressed up.  The curtains will be fresh, and she would be waiting by the telephone to receive overseas calls from her three children who reside outside the Philippines.  

And for her children who are in the country, she would be sharing with them food and gifts during the family's traditional New Year's Day celebration.

It's not the end of Christmas for me now that my Mom is no longer around. But at the rate that Christmas has been diluted by so called "political correctness" and cannibalized by commercialism, I am afraid that with each passing year, my Christmas will lose its luster and joy, bit by bit.  

The Christmas decors that line up Ayala Avenue, Bagong Ilog at Pasig and the entire breadth of the Meralco complex are not enough to perk up the spirit I used to feel when I was a child.  

It's here now, there tomorrow.  It's that special niche where the heart feels most at peace.  It could be anywhere.

Have a blessed Christmas!

Winding.

Winding. The word means several things:  to traverse on a curving course; to turn the course of, especially to lead a person as one wishes; or to turn end for end, among other meanings.

As a a period or a year nears its ends, or a projects comes to its completion, we usually say, we are winding down our work. Financial books are closed, inventories are taken, and final reports are written.

On my way to Manila, my seatmate was a young man from Argentina who was studying Japanese in Tokyo. Our conversation centered on Manny Pacquiao who I guess has drawn countless fans from across the globe.  This young Argentinian was winding his studies in Tokyo.

In the plane from Tokyo were Filipinos coming home for the holidays - contract workers who were probably winding their contracts and then starting fresh ones or those on their yearly vacations.

In personal relationships, we take stock of what's happening whether it's bad or good, and then we feel, analyze and take action - we either stick it out, revive it, or put an end to it or wind it up.

The year 2009 is finally winding down.  And just like many endings, people are oftentimes forced to make earthshaking finales, as if that will make things better.  Just look at all those major family purchases which sometimes burn family budgets, or the un-affordable gifts people buy in order to make the year-end memorable, or the many divorces and split-ups which happen just before the big Holidays, and on a happy note, the weddings which take place just before the new year unfolds.

People are simply drawn into this euphoria of making a beautiful end or a beautiful start.

I'd take the cab.

The train leaves the station 

And the familiar whistle stop bellows somewhere,

"Your stop, Sir," the porter reminds you,

And you step out staggering in the cold morning December of your life.

You look back as the train pulls away

Now your heart starts to pound,

Gets heavier as the tail of the Metro curves around

And you see no more,

Oh, just the light as it blinks for the next stop.

Damn heart,

So fickle, so true, so warm, so lazy,

Were there yesterdays just one like yesterday

When you could have tended to the bleeding

With a gauze and scissor and some stitches here and there?

Yet, you chose to turn on the TV and waited for the aspirin

To soothe, to smoothen the platelets,

Then you'd go back to being you and you being you

As more ibuprofen and acetaminophen blur the line between pain and no pain,

Where did your life simply go?

Damn soul,

You're still now, how about tomorrow?

When scenes play out, die out,

You can never say go because there's no way to go

But wait for the train to show up

At the appointed hour.

No sir,  I'd skip the train,

And wait for the cab as it speeds down the highway,

Or take a bus, or even the plane,

Or stay at home on a busy day,

And I'd say when I'd taste the snow, 

Or inhale the carbon from the flying jeep off a Manila road.

Changes.

No, not yet time to spell out my New Year's resolutions. The changes I mean are the ones happening in the body as one gets, well...older.

Like I've never been this sick in my whole life. I just caught the flu bug! Thank God, it is the common flu bug. For a while I self medicated on nuprofens and then acetaminophen, but as the fever raged on, I consulted a walk-in clinic doctor, who prescribed antibiotics.

But the ague's went on - chill, fever, muscle weakness, etc - that I ran to the emergency one evening, and with x-ray done, the good lady doctor smiled at me and proclaimed, "it's just the ordinary bug, so we just have to let the virus take its ordinary course." Was I relieved!

So, finally today after almost 10 days, I am beginning to walk steadily, and tasting food the way they should taste. But it was ten long, boring, fearful days. I imagined so many stories in my mind and have gone to so many places in my sleep, and ended up being just me and being just in my room in Toronto.

I guess my body just succumbed to the many pressures I've just went through in the last few months.

Well, there's still time to prepare for the Holiday Season..... Ho, ho, ho.

Ham, Hot Cocoa and Halayang Ube

Christmas is so in the air that I could not help thinking and smelling in the subconscious the goodies I used to enjoy as a kid.

My mind is skipping Christmas dinner altogether because it consisted of ala-fiesta food savoured and attacked at my grandparents house in Nueva Ecija.

I'm thinking about New Year's Eve Media Noche as I sip hot Tim Horton's chocolate amidst a minus two degree celsius Saturday morning in Toronto.

I've never been a cocoa guy; I've always been a coffee guy. But come New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, I've always craved for a steaming cup of cocoa.

It's been the tradition in our family to have tsokolate on New Year's Day. My mother and aunt always bought the cacao (hard Spanish chocolate) and on Media Noche, they used a special batidor to stir the pot or carafe to produce a cup of bubbly tsokolate. Of course they'd already added ground peanuts on the pot, so we would be drinking tsokolate mixed with peanuts. Aaah.

Of course, our Media Noche, was not complete without the jamon. As far as I can remember, my father used to receive holiday gifts from his clients, and year in and year out, he got at least two pata ng jamon ( ham legs). As these were raw and wrapped, they'd be hanging by the kitchen wall until New Year's Eve when our Ate donned her chef hat and cooked the ham. She boiled the ham in a tall biscuit tin where she'd put her secret mix. I suspect it consisted of beer, Seven Up, pineapple juice added with chunks, and brown sugar.

Once the ham was cooked, it looked like the Excellente ham from Echague, complete with the sugary, salty syrup. Yummy. Sometimes, we had the ham for breakfast up until February.

While living with my aunt and uncle, my sister Jo and I were Uncle's little Santa's help. My Uncle was the official cook in the house and days before New Year, he'd devote an entire day preparing halayang ube, and we would help him carve designs out of the purple ube.

As my uncle was an all around guy- sastre, karpintero, artiste, cook, etc - he'd have halayang ube in various designs served in colorful platters. He'd give me and my sister tubed "cut rite" with holes at the bottom, and we would put the trimmings on his designs. So the halayang ube would come out like cakes with frosting.

In my parents' house it was the eldest sister who was the official halayang ube preparer. Years later when she migrated to the U.S. and had kids, she still made halayang ube the centerpiece of her many special dinners. Her kids called it purple cake.

Not humane, after all.

The Toronto Humane Society has been in the front pages lately for allegations of not so humane treatment of the animals under its care. Too bad. But until proven, the THS officers who'd been charged, must be viewed as not guilty.

Which reminds me of my dog, Shadow. He's been under the care of my sister and brother in-law since late August.

I was meaning to fetch him but because of new plans, I might not be able to bring him home soon. So, Shadow won't be home for Christmas. But I'm sure Shadow's been receiving TLC from my sis and bro in-law.

It looks easy on paper or on the screen to transport an animal from one country to another. But I think the difficulty may lie in the country of destination (e.g. Philippines).

I checked the requirements for Air Canada and Northwest, and all they're asking for is the proper kennel. For animals up to 70 lbs, cabin transport is allowed, meaning your pet can travel with you in the same cabin as yours. For pets weighing more than 70 lbs, they would be placed in the baggage compartment.

Air Canada recommends purchasing a kennel from them. And they recommend not feeding the pet four hours before the flight and giving water up until the check in time. Water container must stay inside the kennel and the kennel should remain unlocked.

Date restrictions are also in force. Usually, transporting pets are restricted during the winter months.

Cost for transporting the pet? If in the cabin, about $100 CAD. If in the baggage compartment, about $270 CAD.

What to do with Shadow? I don't want to bring him to the Humane Society. And I don't want him adopted by just anyone.

I have to have a plan in place for Shadow, come spring time.

Compressing One's Life.

LEFT, Mini- Christmas lanterns (parols ) or compressed
"parols."


When we download any software, driver, game, etc from the Internet, oftentimes, they would be compressed, then we have to unzip or decompress them before they can be installed.

How about compressing years of your life into just about two or three weeks and then decompressing them again? Sounds complicated and weird and unrealistic and un-doable. It sounds so sci-fi.

People go through life as either married, not married but in a long term committed relationship, single but in a relationship or single and celibate at the same time. Years of living would have produced tons of memories stored in the brain.

What if you suddenly find yourself changing places or situation in life? How would you compress your memories or your life to fit them into a new status. From being married to being divorced, from being single to being married, from being single but in a relationship to being just single, from being single and celibate to being single and sexually active.

Or do you really have to compress these memories and life experiences and unfold or unzip them once you've settled into the new life?

Getting divorced or separated is a most difficult time so is being dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend, or being sexually active for the first time or getting involved with a person who is not free to marry anymore. But these things happen all the time to a lot of people.

And that's the time when people compress the memories (the good and the bad) so that s/he can move on from the difficulty, from the pain, from the angst, from the anger, from the disillusionment.

People compress the years of engagement/relationship into segmented memories, preferably putting on top the most happy times or for some, getting the most bitter ones up in the memory-level, to make the parting or adjustment more manageable. It really depends on the personality of the individual.

Once everything has healed or as the more popular buzzword says, moved on, then the individual can begin to unzip and decompress the memories which have been filed away or stored in the innermost memory bank of the brain. Then, the individual can look back at the experience with detachment or lesser or no pain.